Letting go is not easy for me. I’m an expert in the opposite process. To hold on, control and keep at it. That’s the way I’m brought up to be and it has been a good strategy, along with my natural stubbornness in getting me through different projects. At this moment, I’m torn between fear of the new and unpredictable and the need for recommencement. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me, because I need renewal. I feel trapped and paralyzed. I don’t really have the luxury of choice to fuck off completely and quit everything and do something entirely different, so I have to do it on a smaller scale. I have to create an emotional space with room for the uncontrollable. I just don’t know how, yet.